I’m going to say something right now. This trailer is too long.
Now comes the part where I say a bunch of other things. Here’s the first one: If this trailer weren’t too long, it would be perfect. All qualities of this trailer probably stem from one fact (other than Jaws itself being one of the top 50 movies of all time) – that it’s from the perfect span of time in which trailers were no longer aiming for lamely spliced exposition, but could still use the phrase “motion picture”. It comes from a less spasmodic time than our own, where there could exist an intense, well written gimmick, which in this case, just so happens to be absolutely horrifying. Now, mind you, Jaws scares the bejesus out of me. However, besides that, the monologue at the beginning of this trailer is almost suspiciously awesome. “It is as if God created the devil and gave him Jaws”? From the moment he says that shark will attack anything (especially naked, treading teenagers) to the woman shakily talking about the shark admist footage of kids, dogs, and teens splashing around, I had to wonder..was this approved for all audiences? Because I watched this on a computer screen, and I think I right pissed myself. So, good job, Jaws trailer. Thank you for your era, your voice over work, your theme song. Thank you for all the frenzied splashing, the genius matching of audio clips and video, for acknowledging the novel out loud. Thank you for making the ocean a continually horrifying place. And I’m sorry, trailer, but thank you for the internet’s ability for me to hit “stop” once you hit the two minute mark. You are just too long.
Sidenote: let’s all give it up in this new year for our apparent current Maplecrest theme: fanged villains. Be it a vagina or a shark, there are lethal bicuspids around every corner. Welcome to ‘08.
